I kinda feel like I need an excuse for not having blogged in a long while. But as someone who will eventually become a teacher, I think that unless it's an emergency, it's not really worth telling. So I'll just admit I'm probably not ever going to be consistent with this and just move on.
Consistency and dedication though are two things in my life that I really need to work on, though. Not just in this blog, but in my spiritual walk, my friendships, and my path to a career, among other areas.. I think it's been a problem I've had most of my life. When I put effort and discipline into something I do a pretty good job, but I have never been one who keeps it up for too long or long enough to make a difference to me or to others.
It's not that I haven't cared about any of these things. I don't know what the root of it is really. I just know it needs to change. And it's probably not gonna be something I can change on my own. In fact, doing it on my own (or trying to) is probably part of the problem. I need to rely on God and others a bit more. Of course that doesn't mean I just pass off all the work. It just means I need to share it, and not worry so much. If I stumble with the dedication/consistency once that shouldn't be cause to give up, but rather just find the motivation to pick right back up the next time and leave the past in the past. Like Dory in Finding Nemo says, "Just keep swimming", right?
I won't make a promise to keep this up more regularly, but I will at least start with just not giving up on it. Maybe I'll tweet less, and save up those groups of 140 characters for "macro-blogging" instead of "micro-blogs" :-p
Oh, and while I'm hear I guess I'll give a short update on life, bullet style:
- Still working at the Pan Am, but hopefully with more opportunities to work now that it appears I've moved up to Level 2
- It seems like the search/process of getting another job (better/regular hours) is hitting roadblocks at every turn, though I know that I need to put more effort/dedication into it than I have been lately.
- I'm learning more about God almost daily through semi-regular time in the Word, through my roommates, through things as random as Beast Wars and random blessings, and just other people.
- The lack of regular access to things I'm used to like cable, internet, food, and even sometimes just people/friends is humbling and kinda disheartening at times. I've adjusted well to some of that, but other times it gets me kinda down.
Last but not least, you should know I finished Beast Wars at least a month or so ago, moved on to Beast Machines, and have since (with the help of Netflix) moved onto the original Doctor Who episodes from the beginning. I'll be spacing them out with movies I have yet to see, so it may take a while. I may also need to upgrade my membership though, if I can afford it, since it seems the basic one is only 2 a month or something like that. So, I'll try and end these with where I'm at there. And to get back to the theme of consistency/dedication I'll also end with a verse from the Bible I've either been trying to memorize or/and one that's stood out to me recently for one reason or another.
Status of DW watching: The Beginning (An Unearthly Child, The Daleks, and whatever the name of the 3rd story was)
Verse of the moment: Matthew 6:34 (NIV) - Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.
9.11.2009
Passing the time til a real post
I promise an actual blog soon, but for now here's a survey that's been making its way around a few friends' blogs/vlogs.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 11:30
2. How do you like your steak?: medium well.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Night at the Museum 2 (at the dollar theatre in El Paso)...or Rocky Horror Picture Show if you count outdoors downtown behind the Plaza Theatre as "the cinema"
4. What is your favorite TV show? that's not fair to ask for just one...so, some of my favs (in no particular order...and these are the ones that are still on the air): Dr. Who, NCIS, Numbers, Smallville, Heroes, Chuck, The Office, Glee, Lost, Degrassi
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Pretty much near a beach, or a place with a close enough forest/mountains (or some combo of all of those would be perfect).
6. What did you have for breakfast? generic "Apple Jacks"
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian, Mexican...and occasionally some Asian (not gonna be country specific)
8. What foods do you dislike? Olives, potato salad, asparagus, and mushrooms (though if I don't feel them or don't notice them, I'm ok)
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Jack in the Box and Arby's for fast food. Anything else, my tastes are too varied, but home cooked meals are better than restaurant meals more often than not.
10. Favorite dressing? Italian
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? 98 Nissan Altima (Though I worry sometimes how much longer it'll hold up)
12. What are your favourite clothes? I normally wear t-shirts and jeans or some variation, but I love to dress up nice with a tie and fancy shoes when appropriate.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? England, Russia, Europe, Australia, Israel
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? For the most part I'm a "half-full" kinda guy, but what's with this 1/2 business? It should be just empty or full :-p
15. Where would you want to retire? Colorado has always appealed to me
16. Favorite time of day? from afternoon til bed-time
17. Where were you born? El Paso, TX, USA
18. What is your favourite sport to watch? Basketball and volleyball
22. Bird watcher? I probably don't know the names, but I like to watch them from time to time.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? As one of the founders of @thenightowls I think the answer is pretty obvious
24. Do you have any pets? For most of my life we've had at least 1 dog and 1 cat. Currently, in the house I'm in there are no pets, but the parents still have the cat we've had for the past 16 or so years. I miss having a dog
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I have a bike again, finally. Also, I'm finally learning useful things on guitar (like tuning and switching between chords)
26. What did you want to be when you were little? As a kid, I really don't remember what I wanted to be...probably some kind of sports star, but my asthma kinda held me back from that. Not to say I didn't try a few sports though.
27. What is your best childhood memory? What I can remember of living in Germany.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? I like cats, but I'm better around dogs...or at least they seem to like me more than any cat ever has.
29. Are you married? No.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yep, but did you know that until recently passengers in the backseat in TX weren't required by law to wear theirs?
31. Been in a car accident? Yep, only one was traumatic enough to talk about. None were caused by me.
32. Any pet peeves? I can't think of specific ones, but my sister is the cause of a few :-p
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? pineapple, sausage and pepperoni
34. Favorite Flower? I'm a fan of the rose (any color), but most flowers will catch my eye
35. Favorite ice cream? cookies and cream or cookie dough *drooling just thinking about those*
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? I believe I already answered that earlier, but I also should add Papa John's and Little Ceasars (pizza), as well as In and Out Burger (even though the closest one is in AZ)
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
38. From whom did you get your last email? I have 2 emails. The most recent on yahoo was from Pepsi, but the most recent on Gmail was a youtube reply from my collab-mate Beth
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Well, for one, i don't have a credit card (probably a good thing) and secondly, i wouldn't even if i did. I has a monie smartz. (I'm just going to keep the answer Lucy - my other collab-mate - gave)
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Left a flower for someone, but that's all I'm saying ;-)
41. Like your job? I wish I had one with better pay right now, but getting to work games and concerts is a pretty sweet gig for now!
42. Broccoli? Yes, especially with butter or cheese (kinda takes away from the healthiness, but shh!)
43. What was your favorite vacation? I've liked quite a few of my vacations but going out to Houston/Galveston was pretty great just b/c I got to 1) see where my dad grew up, 2) swim at my third coast (1st was Pacific, 2nd Atlantic, and the Gulf of Mexico counts as the 3rd), and 3) hang out with my good friend and fellow @thenightowls founder, Casey
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? more like "persons" really. 8 to be exact: Amanda (sis), Nate, Isaac (roommate), Megan, Monica, Alex (or Alexis?), Garret, and Liz.
45. What are you listening to right now? People talking, coughing, and typing in one of the campus computer labs.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 11:30
2. How do you like your steak?: medium well.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Night at the Museum 2 (at the dollar theatre in El Paso)...or Rocky Horror Picture Show if you count outdoors downtown behind the Plaza Theatre as "the cinema"
4. What is your favorite TV show? that's not fair to ask for just one...so, some of my favs (in no particular order...and these are the ones that are still on the air): Dr. Who, NCIS, Numbers, Smallville, Heroes, Chuck, The Office, Glee, Lost, Degrassi
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Pretty much near a beach, or a place with a close enough forest/mountains (or some combo of all of those would be perfect).
6. What did you have for breakfast? generic "Apple Jacks"
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian, Mexican...and occasionally some Asian (not gonna be country specific)
8. What foods do you dislike? Olives, potato salad, asparagus, and mushrooms (though if I don't feel them or don't notice them, I'm ok)
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Jack in the Box and Arby's for fast food. Anything else, my tastes are too varied, but home cooked meals are better than restaurant meals more often than not.
10. Favorite dressing? Italian
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? 98 Nissan Altima (Though I worry sometimes how much longer it'll hold up)
12. What are your favourite clothes? I normally wear t-shirts and jeans or some variation, but I love to dress up nice with a tie and fancy shoes when appropriate.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? England, Russia, Europe, Australia, Israel
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? For the most part I'm a "half-full" kinda guy, but what's with this 1/2 business? It should be just empty or full :-p
15. Where would you want to retire? Colorado has always appealed to me
16. Favorite time of day? from afternoon til bed-time
17. Where were you born? El Paso, TX, USA
18. What is your favourite sport to watch? Basketball and volleyball
22. Bird watcher? I probably don't know the names, but I like to watch them from time to time.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? As one of the founders of @thenightowls I think the answer is pretty obvious
24. Do you have any pets? For most of my life we've had at least 1 dog and 1 cat. Currently, in the house I'm in there are no pets, but the parents still have the cat we've had for the past 16 or so years. I miss having a dog
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I have a bike again, finally. Also, I'm finally learning useful things on guitar (like tuning and switching between chords)
26. What did you want to be when you were little? As a kid, I really don't remember what I wanted to be...probably some kind of sports star, but my asthma kinda held me back from that. Not to say I didn't try a few sports though.
27. What is your best childhood memory? What I can remember of living in Germany.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? I like cats, but I'm better around dogs...or at least they seem to like me more than any cat ever has.
29. Are you married? No.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yep, but did you know that until recently passengers in the backseat in TX weren't required by law to wear theirs?
31. Been in a car accident? Yep, only one was traumatic enough to talk about. None were caused by me.
32. Any pet peeves? I can't think of specific ones, but my sister is the cause of a few :-p
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? pineapple, sausage and pepperoni
34. Favorite Flower? I'm a fan of the rose (any color), but most flowers will catch my eye
35. Favorite ice cream? cookies and cream or cookie dough *drooling just thinking about those*
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? I believe I already answered that earlier, but I also should add Papa John's and Little Ceasars (pizza), as well as In and Out Burger (even though the closest one is in AZ)
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None
38. From whom did you get your last email? I have 2 emails. The most recent on yahoo was from Pepsi, but the most recent on Gmail was a youtube reply from my collab-mate Beth
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Well, for one, i don't have a credit card (probably a good thing) and secondly, i wouldn't even if i did. I has a monie smartz. (I'm just going to keep the answer Lucy - my other collab-mate - gave)
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Left a flower for someone, but that's all I'm saying ;-)
41. Like your job? I wish I had one with better pay right now, but getting to work games and concerts is a pretty sweet gig for now!
42. Broccoli? Yes, especially with butter or cheese (kinda takes away from the healthiness, but shh!)
43. What was your favorite vacation? I've liked quite a few of my vacations but going out to Houston/Galveston was pretty great just b/c I got to 1) see where my dad grew up, 2) swim at my third coast (1st was Pacific, 2nd Atlantic, and the Gulf of Mexico counts as the 3rd), and 3) hang out with my good friend and fellow @thenightowls founder, Casey
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? more like "persons" really. 8 to be exact: Amanda (sis), Nate, Isaac (roommate), Megan, Monica, Alex (or Alexis?), Garret, and Liz.
45. What are you listening to right now? People talking, coughing, and typing in one of the campus computer labs.
8.25.2009
Joy (and spiritual connections to cartoons)
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with." -Mark Twain
Proverbs 17:22
Proverbs 15:15
Psalm 86:4
All of the above in a way relate to me today. The first was quoted by a friend on twitter, and the verses were mentioned in a devotional about joy that I read today. Looking back on the day so far (and to some extent, this past week) I realized how true each of those statements are.
In relation to the Twain quote, I overheard a conversation between two friends of mine today. It revolved around the recent news of the one friend's recent engagement and how he proposed. I had heard last week that it might happen soon, and then hearing that it went well made me smile inside. Joy like that is something you just can't keep to yourself. You want to share that with anyone who will listen! But I suppose the devil just loves to strike when great things are happening b/c soon after that, I got to thinking of how I'm still alone and keep getting crushed by crushes, and I realized the truth of the first part of the Twain quote.
Not to be outdone though, God brought the joy back with run-ins with a friend who probably doesn't even realize how much they lifted up my day with just their presence. When He does things like that, He reminds me of how Silverbolt is with Black Aracnia on "Beast Wars" (it would have been impossible to get through this w/o at least one refernce, haha). If you don't get the reference. Basically, Silverbolt is a Maximal (good guys) with a hero-complex and the heart of the ultimate gentleman and Black Aracnia is a Predacon (bad guys) who was originally supposed to be a good guy and has been wooed/swayed to the good side by Silverbolt. He knows just when to swoop in at the right moment to save her from danger, even when she shows hints of her bad self. That just jump out to anyone who knows the Good News of how God reached out to us when we were yet living in sin and wooed us to the "good side"? (see what I meant the other day about spiritual connections to Beast Wars? haha).
So anyways, I just wanted to "divide" this post on joy with you all b/c good news is always worth sharing. Oh and in other good news, I talked with my roommate last night and he's going to sell/give me his old bike after he just got a new one. I can't tell you all how much I've missed having a bike to ride! This is gonna be great!
And now I must leave b/c I hear the marching band starting their annual Concert on the Green!
Beast Wars update: Season 3, Episode 6
Proverbs 17:22
Proverbs 15:15
Psalm 86:4
All of the above in a way relate to me today. The first was quoted by a friend on twitter, and the verses were mentioned in a devotional about joy that I read today. Looking back on the day so far (and to some extent, this past week) I realized how true each of those statements are.
In relation to the Twain quote, I overheard a conversation between two friends of mine today. It revolved around the recent news of the one friend's recent engagement and how he proposed. I had heard last week that it might happen soon, and then hearing that it went well made me smile inside. Joy like that is something you just can't keep to yourself. You want to share that with anyone who will listen! But I suppose the devil just loves to strike when great things are happening b/c soon after that, I got to thinking of how I'm still alone and keep getting crushed by crushes, and I realized the truth of the first part of the Twain quote.
Not to be outdone though, God brought the joy back with run-ins with a friend who probably doesn't even realize how much they lifted up my day with just their presence. When He does things like that, He reminds me of how Silverbolt is with Black Aracnia on "Beast Wars" (it would have been impossible to get through this w/o at least one refernce, haha). If you don't get the reference. Basically, Silverbolt is a Maximal (good guys) with a hero-complex and the heart of the ultimate gentleman and Black Aracnia is a Predacon (bad guys) who was originally supposed to be a good guy and has been wooed/swayed to the good side by Silverbolt. He knows just when to swoop in at the right moment to save her from danger, even when she shows hints of her bad self. That just jump out to anyone who knows the Good News of how God reached out to us when we were yet living in sin and wooed us to the "good side"? (see what I meant the other day about spiritual connections to Beast Wars? haha).
So anyways, I just wanted to "divide" this post on joy with you all b/c good news is always worth sharing. Oh and in other good news, I talked with my roommate last night and he's going to sell/give me his old bike after he just got a new one. I can't tell you all how much I've missed having a bike to ride! This is gonna be great!
And now I must leave b/c I hear the marching band starting their annual Concert on the Green!
Beast Wars update: Season 3, Episode 6
8.22.2009
Back in the Land of Enchantment
I thought about vlogging an update on youtube because I think it would help me with public speaking which I have a difficult time with occasionally, and also because I've picked up a few more subscribers and feel like I should keep them entertained or up to date if they care. I think I would ramble too much though and I don't have access to editing software for now so it would go on too long, I'm sure. Also, I finally got moved in with my friends a couple of weeks ago, and it's hard to find a place/time in the house to vlog quietly. The last vlog I did had to be from my car which kinda weird.
Speaking of that last vlog, it wasn't even for my personal channel on YT. If you hadn't heard yet, I'm part of a new collab channel called SnailMates with my friends Beth and Lucy. It basically started when Beth asked her friends on twitter if anyone wanted to receive letters (snail mail style) from her and both Lucy and I said sure. Then, I think it was Lucy who suggested the collab idea. Unlike just about every other collab channel on youtube, our main way of talking to each other would be in letters/postcards. We'll read the letters on the channel and respond to them then or in another letter. We've been talking on twitter and reading each other's blogs for the better part of this year now, and I think this will help us get closer as friends, especially since Lucy is separated from Beth and I by the whole Pacific Ocean and a hemisphere. Beth is in Alabama and is a HS friend of my sister although I never met/knew her then. But anyways, I hope you'll check that out, it should be fun.
Okay, enough promoting. I basically just wanted to let anyone who cares know that I finally moved back up to Las Cruces after a year and half in El Paso. Mom is almost all packed up to head to Houston with my dad in a few weeks, and Amanda should be coming back up to Cruces soon as well. Both of us are gonna be taking a break from school to work and save up to go back. She's only got a semester left when she does, which I'm proud of her since it's taken me longer to get out of here and I'm still not done (and still in undergrad status). I'm kinda disheartened though as well because it feels like I'll never get through with this school thing and it's mostly my fault, though most of the time I just blame one stupid class that I hate more and more every time I think about it, and really wish they'd drop it as a requirement. Rawr!!
Speaking of dinosaurs (didn't see that coming, did you?), I'm loving living in the new place with my friends from school/Christian Challenge ministry. It's the first time I've lived with people I knew beforehand and who are not family. I mention dinosaurs because before school started back up, we didn't have much to do during the day so we started watching the Beast Wars Transformers cartoon from the 90s, and quote it or make refernce to it at least once a day. We've even converted new fans when friends stop by. My favorite (almost spelled that "favourite"...darn you British and Aussie friends! :-p j/k) thing to do is imitate Megatron who has a habit of adding "yes" or "no" to the beginning and ending of his sentences. *wrings hands like evil villians tend to do when plotting* That will suit me just wonderfully, yes. And my roommates, Isaac and Jeremy, have picked up Optimas Primal's phrase "Well, that's just prime!"....Okay so it might just be fun to us as a kind of inside joke thing, but it's cool to have that bond already as roommates.
Another thing I love about my roommates is how we can have great and random spiritual talks throughout the day and just generally encourage one another daily, even through the little things. This is gonna be a good thing. I just hope I can get a more steady job than working events for the Pan Am Center so that I can contribute more financially other than rent and utilites. Thankfully because there are 5 of us (one is going to be gone for a while on deployment to Iraq) it's not much all split up.
I'm also glad to be back up here to be able to see and keep up with friends I've been missing while I was down in El Paso. I've felt out of the loop and not as close to these people since I've been away. While I was gone though, I made a ton of new friends online through youtube and twitter, and now I just need to find the balance of time spent with both. Yes, that will be quite difficult (there I go again, lol).
There's more I wanted to talk about but I'll probably just tweet more of that kind of stuff throughout the day or try to update this more than once a month.
And just for the fun of it, I'll end this with where I'm at in watching through Beast Wars.
Beast Wars status: Season 2, Episode 11
Speaking of that last vlog, it wasn't even for my personal channel on YT. If you hadn't heard yet, I'm part of a new collab channel called SnailMates with my friends Beth and Lucy. It basically started when Beth asked her friends on twitter if anyone wanted to receive letters (snail mail style) from her and both Lucy and I said sure. Then, I think it was Lucy who suggested the collab idea. Unlike just about every other collab channel on youtube, our main way of talking to each other would be in letters/postcards. We'll read the letters on the channel and respond to them then or in another letter. We've been talking on twitter and reading each other's blogs for the better part of this year now, and I think this will help us get closer as friends, especially since Lucy is separated from Beth and I by the whole Pacific Ocean and a hemisphere. Beth is in Alabama and is a HS friend of my sister although I never met/knew her then. But anyways, I hope you'll check that out, it should be fun.
Okay, enough promoting. I basically just wanted to let anyone who cares know that I finally moved back up to Las Cruces after a year and half in El Paso. Mom is almost all packed up to head to Houston with my dad in a few weeks, and Amanda should be coming back up to Cruces soon as well. Both of us are gonna be taking a break from school to work and save up to go back. She's only got a semester left when she does, which I'm proud of her since it's taken me longer to get out of here and I'm still not done (and still in undergrad status). I'm kinda disheartened though as well because it feels like I'll never get through with this school thing and it's mostly my fault, though most of the time I just blame one stupid class that I hate more and more every time I think about it, and really wish they'd drop it as a requirement. Rawr!!
Speaking of dinosaurs (didn't see that coming, did you?), I'm loving living in the new place with my friends from school/Christian Challenge ministry. It's the first time I've lived with people I knew beforehand and who are not family. I mention dinosaurs because before school started back up, we didn't have much to do during the day so we started watching the Beast Wars Transformers cartoon from the 90s, and quote it or make refernce to it at least once a day. We've even converted new fans when friends stop by. My favorite (almost spelled that "favourite"...darn you British and Aussie friends! :-p j/k) thing to do is imitate Megatron who has a habit of adding "yes" or "no" to the beginning and ending of his sentences. *wrings hands like evil villians tend to do when plotting* That will suit me just wonderfully, yes. And my roommates, Isaac and Jeremy, have picked up Optimas Primal's phrase "Well, that's just prime!"....Okay so it might just be fun to us as a kind of inside joke thing, but it's cool to have that bond already as roommates.
Another thing I love about my roommates is how we can have great and random spiritual talks throughout the day and just generally encourage one another daily, even through the little things. This is gonna be a good thing. I just hope I can get a more steady job than working events for the Pan Am Center so that I can contribute more financially other than rent and utilites. Thankfully because there are 5 of us (one is going to be gone for a while on deployment to Iraq) it's not much all split up.
I'm also glad to be back up here to be able to see and keep up with friends I've been missing while I was down in El Paso. I've felt out of the loop and not as close to these people since I've been away. While I was gone though, I made a ton of new friends online through youtube and twitter, and now I just need to find the balance of time spent with both. Yes, that will be quite difficult (there I go again, lol).
There's more I wanted to talk about but I'll probably just tweet more of that kind of stuff throughout the day or try to update this more than once a month.
And just for the fun of it, I'll end this with where I'm at in watching through Beast Wars.
Beast Wars status: Season 2, Episode 11
7.16.2009
On the outside looking in
A few blogs/vlogs/tweets/convos-with-friends recently have got me thinking. It's a feeling/thought that creeps in every now and then and kinda brings me down. It happens when I realize I've made some new friends (more than just acquaintances) but over time our conversations become less frequent. Or I notice that within the group of friends I seem to be the outsider. The one who talks to them or is there to hang out sometimes but isn't included in other activities.This has happend both on and off-line and whenever I notice it I get down.
But I know that part of it is my own doing. I let those feelings fester inside to the point that I sometimes get bitter or upset, thinking I'm not really liked, just tolerated or something like that. I don't speak up, or make my presence known. I sit on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun, being too shy to join in. I'll be some sort of mix of the introvert silently wishing to be talked to or included and the extrovert willing to joke around or lend a helping hand or an open ear/shoulder. I'll stay in and do nothing/waste time not interacting w/ anyone, not b/c I don't like them but b/c I have some sort of social anxiety thing where I feel like I'd be bothering them or that I wouldn't know what to talk about. I'll overthink what I should do and then end up doing nothing but feeling alone.
I know (deep down) that these friends do like me the way I am and wouldn't shun me if I try to join in. Yet I still notice cliques. I notice that they talk to each other but don't include me either b/c they don't quite know me enough or b/c over time they grew closer and I was kinda pushed to the outside. Or I just didn't join in, so I was kinda just forgotten.
I don't want anyone to feel they have to include me b/c of pity or b/c I'm whining about this (though I wouldn't complain if you did, haha). I know I need to make more effort first. I need to join in and at least try to be included. Or I need to not get all mopey/lonely/angsty when I'm not included.
Not sure how to end this, so I'll bring back something I did during BEDA:
Today was awesome b/c
1) This
2)![[info]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_t1ccbtl5Tn6Mf7V_ijAJSgkQX2PJwemu6RqKxdRQAjSUlIGV0hAa65D0UyPlUmy7P8kTgNBd_ig4aouBQqt5Gc-8JKJXqCp92o8GCs30R94Q=s0-d)
alanlastufka officially released his album he did with Tom Milsom, "Taking Leave" and did a midnight release party on BlogTV (something I joking suggested as a way for those of us not going to the midnight HBP release to still be able to enjoy the night) while everyone else was watching the new Harry Potter movie. During said show, he previewed the music video for the song "Can't" hours before everyone else got to see it. Btw, you should go to dftba.com (or Amazon or iTunes) and buy the album yourself (Alan's donating 25% of his profits to kiva.org)
But I know that part of it is my own doing. I let those feelings fester inside to the point that I sometimes get bitter or upset, thinking I'm not really liked, just tolerated or something like that. I don't speak up, or make my presence known. I sit on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun, being too shy to join in. I'll be some sort of mix of the introvert silently wishing to be talked to or included and the extrovert willing to joke around or lend a helping hand or an open ear/shoulder. I'll stay in and do nothing/waste time not interacting w/ anyone, not b/c I don't like them but b/c I have some sort of social anxiety thing where I feel like I'd be bothering them or that I wouldn't know what to talk about. I'll overthink what I should do and then end up doing nothing but feeling alone.
I know (deep down) that these friends do like me the way I am and wouldn't shun me if I try to join in. Yet I still notice cliques. I notice that they talk to each other but don't include me either b/c they don't quite know me enough or b/c over time they grew closer and I was kinda pushed to the outside. Or I just didn't join in, so I was kinda just forgotten.
I don't want anyone to feel they have to include me b/c of pity or b/c I'm whining about this (though I wouldn't complain if you did, haha). I know I need to make more effort first. I need to join in and at least try to be included. Or I need to not get all mopey/lonely/angsty when I'm not included.
Not sure how to end this, so I'll bring back something I did during BEDA:
Today was awesome b/c
1) This
2)
alanlastufka officially released his album he did with Tom Milsom, "Taking Leave" and did a midnight release party on BlogTV (something I joking suggested as a way for those of us not going to the midnight HBP release to still be able to enjoy the night) while everyone else was watching the new Harry Potter movie. During said show, he previewed the music video for the song "Can't" hours before everyone else got to see it. Btw, you should go to dftba.com (or Amazon or iTunes) and buy the album yourself (Alan's donating 25% of his profits to kiva.org)- Location:still El Paso
- Mood:
melancholy
- Music:Dr Horrible soundtrack
5.30.2009
5.03.2009
Never left, I was just taking a break
That title could apply to a few things. I at first just meant leaving this blog for livejournal. I only took a break b/c I didn't feel like cross-posting everyday for a month. Well at least not cross-posting in two other blogs. In case you didn't know I was blogging everyday for the month of April. I chose to that on my new livejournal account because I thought it would be a good way to get more involved with the friends I had there who were also doing this Blog Every Day in April (BEDA) thing. I was cross-posting on another site for a while but that site was related to the person (Maureen Johnson) who started/inspired this thing that didn't exist until a week or two before April.
Anyways, if you didn't know any of that or don't particularly care, that's ok. Just thought I'd share. If you didn't see the notices about the blogs on facebook or twitter, feel free to click on the 1st link and browse through the month or even older posts. Feel free to comment as well. You should be able to leave a comment "annonymously" if you don't have an LJ account or an OpenID account. If you hadn't heard from me in a while those blogs might help you know what's been going on with me.
Speaking of not having heard from or talked to me in a while I know there's a few of you in Las Cruces/@ NMSU that I haven't seen in a while. Which brings me to the 2nd connotation of the title. To anyone wondering, I haven't graduated yet, and I'll still be coming back to finish my degree, but I am currently taking a break from school to work and save up.
I've also been living down in El Paso with my family for the past year (almost to the day I think), but now that my Dad has a new job in Houston we'll have to leave this house. Amanda and I won't be following Mom and Dad down there (Dad's already there getting settled in and working, and Mom will be joining him this summer). The two of us will be moving back up to Cruces when Mom leaves. I have a few friends that I'll be living with (and I'm looking forward to that), but as far as I know Amanda doesn't know who she'll be living with, so if you've got a room or are looking for a roommate, let her know (girls only, sorry guys).
So, that should just about catch you up with what I've been up to and what's going on. If you have any other questions let me know and I'll be happy to answer 'em, or at least try to, haha.
Anyways, if you didn't know any of that or don't particularly care, that's ok. Just thought I'd share. If you didn't see the notices about the blogs on facebook or twitter, feel free to click on the 1st link and browse through the month or even older posts. Feel free to comment as well. You should be able to leave a comment "annonymously" if you don't have an LJ account or an OpenID account. If you hadn't heard from me in a while those blogs might help you know what's been going on with me.
Speaking of not having heard from or talked to me in a while I know there's a few of you in Las Cruces/@ NMSU that I haven't seen in a while. Which brings me to the 2nd connotation of the title. To anyone wondering, I haven't graduated yet, and I'll still be coming back to finish my degree, but I am currently taking a break from school to work and save up.
I've also been living down in El Paso with my family for the past year (almost to the day I think), but now that my Dad has a new job in Houston we'll have to leave this house. Amanda and I won't be following Mom and Dad down there (Dad's already there getting settled in and working, and Mom will be joining him this summer). The two of us will be moving back up to Cruces when Mom leaves. I have a few friends that I'll be living with (and I'm looking forward to that), but as far as I know Amanda doesn't know who she'll be living with, so if you've got a room or are looking for a roommate, let her know (girls only, sorry guys).
So, that should just about catch you up with what I've been up to and what's going on. If you have any other questions let me know and I'll be happy to answer 'em, or at least try to, haha.
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