Playlist

Yet another, short series of songs going thru my head. Some of it was inspired by events that happened the last weekend. The rest are just random.

1) "Knees To The Earth" -- Watermark
- hadn't heard this til last week at an impromtu late-night fireside sing-along. It's a beautiful song though, and one of my new favs
2) "All in All" -- Dennis Jernigan
3) "More Than You'll Ever Know" -- Watermark
4) "My Eyes" -- Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
5) "Laundry Day (My Freeze Ray)" -- Dr. Horrible's sing-Along Blog
6) "Wild Dances" -- Ruslana
- she's basically, as a friend put it, "the ukranian shakira". It's not necessarily this song in particular, but this was the only one I could find online that sounded like one what we listened to on the way to and back from Fall Retreat.
7) "I Surrender All" -- traditional Christian hymn
8) "Disturbia" -- Rhianna
- just cuz it gets stuck in my head randomly
9) "Vive la Vida" -- Coldplay
- need I say more? :-p
10) "One Step At A Time" -- Jordin Sparks
11) and the last one is a country song I heard earlier this week but don't know who sang it or what it's called and I can't remember specific enough lyrics to look it up via the web. I know it was a guy that sung it, but all the songs in the top 40 that I've looked up aren't it, so it might not be in the top 40. But now some of those songs might be on the next one of these I do, lol.


So...ya, this is a bit more scattered and random than the last one. But that's just a peek into the musical part of me lately. Hopefully you'll get some kind of real update from me soon, but something would have to change first. All I've got for ya right now is that some feelings from the beginning of this year are coming back to the surface (good ones so don't worry), but that's about all there is to say about that for now.

Til next time I leave ya with somewhat of a challenge. Look for and/or be alert for the beauty and truth in the things you hear, view, read, or in any other way observe. It's cheesy, yes, but so often we miss out on these things cuz we don't take the time out of our busy/cluttered/ADD lives to really stop and take them in. So, give it a try! You'll be glad you did!

Short playlist

Just a few songs that jumped out at me today. In other words, they found me in completely random ways...I didn't search them out for any reason. Not sure why I need to stress that, but I do. It's a short list, if you can even call it a list. This explanation is longer...

1) Daily Planet "3000 miles away"
2) Superchick "Wishes"
3) Jack's Mannequin "The Mixed Tape"

Kinda spoke to some stuff that I'm feelin, but don't feel like writing about right now. The songs say enough I guess.

New semester and I'm not a part of it

Today was the first day back to school @ NMSU...but not for me. Amanda tho, is still going back because she can still get loans to offset tuition or possibly even completely cover it. I, on the other hand, have reached the loan limit. Ya, after so long they figure most people would be done and out in the real world. Well, I've got news for you: I'm not most people :-p

"Well, then get a job to help pay your tuition" you say. That is what I've been trying for all summer but with no luck, and it's really frustrating. Frustrating that I don't know why I'm not getting ANY call backs. Frustrating that this is the 2nd fall semester I've had to miss out on b/c of $$ issues. Frustration at my self for not having been done with school by now and in the real world working a real job (and by "real" I mean not minimum wage). Frustrating because I won't get to see all my school/Cruces friends as often unless I can get hired up there and move in with some friends. And finally, frustrating b/c I'm 25, jobless, with no degree, and still living with my parents.

Oh, and did I mention that I might be slightly masochistic. I say this b/c I was given the option of staying home all day doin a bunch of nothing or going up to NMSU with my sis and mom for Amanda's first day back. Of course, I knew it would hurt to see people I knew or even just a whole bunch of strangers going through their first day back and knowing I'm left out of it. And unlike last fall, I'm not living up there so I can't still feel like part of the crowd. If I wanna handle it the same way, I'd have to drive up everyday, which isn't easy to someone economically challenged. But at least I got my car working again (stupid new battery died on me for a bit) so I don't have to ask to borrow the parent-mobile when I do get those moments.

At least I'm not alone on the being jobless in this house. So far we're all still unemployed, but at least Mom and Dad have been getting calls and such. Just keep us all in your prayers/thoughts b/c it's starting to get frustrating and trying for us all. It's gonna be a rough fall, but I know God will provide in many ways. Just wish I knew how and when, lol! But the not-knowing part is what makes faith so powerful. Amen? ("Amen!")

Adventures of a bum

I'm wondering if short weekly updates, even if they're just a little bit longer than twitter updates, might be the way to go. But with me it's hardly ever that condensed. We'll see...

It's been about 2-3 months and really nothing much has happened. Well, I mean I've done stuff like hanging out with friends in El Paso, watching movies, gone bowling, done dinner with groups, and filled out a few applications (by a few, I mean a lot...but no response so far )-: ). But for the most part it's been a lot of sitting at home re-reading through books, wasting time on stupid addicting facebook apps, or channel surfing thru digital cable (BBC Amercia is my new fav). But at least I'm not the lone bum at home. The whole family is stuck jobless with not much to do but fill out more applications and hope someone says yes. It's a sad site really, but dad's got his garden hobby back which is cool.

Another benefit is that I've had time to look thru all my stuff and slowly declutter and focus. Gets me thinking about what's really important and what I really need in my life. Like, do I really wear this or use this or read that or do I just keep them around b/c of memories? Another part is it'll be something I haven't used or worn in a very long time but I'll rationalize it by saying that one day I'll need it or have the right occasion for it and it will have been worth it to keep it. *sigh* packrat syndrome...is there a 12-step program for that?

"Hi, my name is Sean and...I'm a packrat."
"Hiiii Sean!"

The more I think about it though, a lot of it is stored either digitally (like on iTunes or digital pics online) or in my head as memories I can access anytime. And the books can mostly be found at a library - remember those?

And anyways, to keep all this stuff like it's mine and no one else's is pretty darn selfish. I should take a hint from the early Christian church in Acts (2:45) who "sold their possessions and goods and divided them among all, as anyone had need" I'm just thankful for those reminders of how things aught to be to keep me in check (2 Timothy 3:16).

Plus, if I end up moving in with the guys up in Cruces the less stuff I bring the better since space'll be limited. Speaking of going back to Cruces...I'm 98% sure I won't we taking any classes this semester. My focus is just gonna have to be on working and saving up and such. Hopefully I can get a job in a school for experience. But if no place else hires I think I'm gonna have to do what a good percentage of my friends have done recently...go to work at a call center. Nothing against my friends or the businesses, it's just that it's not where I'd choose to work. But the pay is better than I'd get most places, especially without a degree yet. But anyways that only happens if the schools say no.

I think that about sums up where I'm at. Want more updates? check out my Twitter feed or find me on facebook or if you wanna see where i'm wasting my time online follow me on me.dium.com (enough shameless promotion...I'd do it more but they aren't payin me yet :-p)

Miss me much?

Well, it's been a while since my last post, and if you actually read this blog (thanks if ya do!) you're probably wondering what's been goin' on. Did I fall off the face of the earth? Have some kind of serious, life altering experience that kept me from blogging? To answer briefly: no and no. Not a whole lot happened, but I'll sum it up anyways. I (mostly) survived yet another semester at good ol' NMSU...yes, I'm still there and still goin' for the BA (insert super-senior joke here). I'm still single and looking - and by that I mean I'm not really looking, but if ms. right comes along I won't send her away ;-) - even though there was almost something around February, but it just wasn't meant to be more than friends. I took yet another dance class (I may just turn out like the teacher sooner or later and have it become more than just an elective)...so if anyone's interested in helpin' me keep in practice, let me know ;-). I was kinda hoping for something with someone off and on throughout the semester but I'm at the point now of just letting it out of my hands and trusting God to bring her around when I'm ready.

So, what's new you ask? For starters, Dad no longer works for A.O. Smith and the family is together again back in El Paso! Still in the NE but a little closer to NM now. Right now everyone is looking for work again. Mom's finding out what she needs to be a certified TX teacher; Dad's trying to find a place to put his engineering skills to use (hoping for something with those wind turbines -- yay renewable energy!); and Amanda and I are looking for anything to help bring in the dough. I am especially hoping for something quick b/c I'm hoping to be moving in with my friends Michael, Kam, and Jeremy this fall but if I'm gonna help out with rent I need some kind of income. I'm excited about this b/c it'll be the first time since my parents moved away that I won't be living with family! Nothing against them, of course, but a guy's gotta break away sometime, right? And they won't be randomly appointed dorm roommate's for once, but rather 3 awesome Christian brothers! So I can't wait!

Anyways, that pretty much brings you up to speed for now. Stay tuned for more, hopefully sooner than later. After this holiday weekend (including a wedding, and possibly Wet n Wild and BalloonFest '08) maybe?

Reminscing and Romanticizing

I guess if I were to make a New Years resolution it could be to blog more. I say that because there are a lot of thoughts going thru my head that I want to think thru more or feel should be put down "on paper". I can usually organize my thoughts better when writing/typing them. Plus it's harder to mumble when typing so this way people understand me better than when I speak.

So, anyways...Just got back from a month in South Carolina staying with Mom and Dad for the holidays (aka Holidays with the Halladays). It's bittersweet being back. I miss having them close and getting "spoiled" with home cooked meals and free laundry and talking with them more than once a week or every few weeks. I even kinda miss the cat, but not so much this year b/c she seemed to be barfing once a day or every other day and we don't know why. SC is starting to feel more and more like a 2nd home (and Mesa, AZ being a 3rd home of sorts). One thing I wish we had started earlier before me and Amanda left was organizing the picture collection. There are some "ancient" pictures there and a lot of good memories. Plus I think I saw the parents' wedding pictures (the complete set at least) for the first time, or at least the first time actually looking at them. If you check out my latest pics on here you'll see some of the photos we ran across and wanted to upload. If we had been there longer I would have liked to upload some of the wedding pics. Oh well, coulda shoulda woulda.

Another thing that's really been on my mind is a girl, and just the idea of love/dating/courtship. I wish I were brave enough to say who it is, but since I haven't expressed my feelings right out to her yet I don't think I should let the whole world know...ya know, just in case it doesn't work out. A few people know who and some of how I feel, but I think it was just me needing to talk to more than just myself about her. The thing is, I think there may be some mutual attraction but sometimes I mistake a girl that I like being friendly for something more, so I'm trying not to jump to conclusions (*random tangent: that phrase always makes me think of "Office Space", haha*). I also don't want to jump into a relationship before I really have gotten to know her as a friend which is where I think I've gone wrong in past relationships. A book I just recently re-read that has made me really think about how to approach this is "Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship" by Joshua Harris (a sequel of sorts to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"). I want to come at this from a Godly perspective, and respecting her. Some of the things he mentions that I want to put into practice are getting permission from her Dad/parents, but seeing as I don't know them or have any way of contacting them my best bet is to wait til we are closer as friends and possibly thinking of moving to the next step (if it even comes). Joshua suggests tho, that if her parents aren't close by to pay them a visit, you might also broch (sp?) the subject with her pastor or someone with that kind of relationship to her. Another thing is getting others involved spiritually, and being accountable to others about your feelings and the relationship in general. This helps by getting somewhat objective views on if it's a good idea or if the relationship honors God as well as each other. These are thoughts that sometimes seem antique or just get left out of a lot of relationships these days, and thus, in my opinion part of the reason people become seriel daters and what leads to such a high divorce rate. We fall in love (or lust) and then when the feeling goes away we think we don't love them anymore and decide to move on or end up cheating on them just to get the high of newly in "love" again. I've got enough thoughts on this to fill a whole 'nother blog, so I'll get back to what got me started on this. Basically I'm just putting this out there so that this isn't bottled up as much as it has been, and I guess also for any input about how to go about this. I'm torn between being brave and asking her on some kind of a date (whether its a group thing, romantic, or an environment that's not necessarily "romantic" but helps us get to know each other better before really committing to anything) or just waiting it out a bit longer and looking for doors that God opens along the way (or doesn't open). Both carry some risks: the first choice risks outright rejection or rushing in before we really know each other and find we don't have as much in common as we/I thought; and the other way risks that I wait too long and someone else could jump in and I'll regret not having done something. That second risk has happened quite a bit, the most recent of which resulted in them marrying that other person. In the end tho, on that front I appreciate that I still know them as friends and didn't ruin that friendship with romance and I see over time that the person the end up with is better for them than I could have been. Sure I was heart-broken for a bit but after that passes I can be happy for them and happy for me because that just means that God has something much better in mind for me. And I've found waiting on God's perfect timing never disappoints!

Since this is already entirely too long, I kinda wanna end with asking for prayer about the above topic as well as:
--my car - been having some problems but fixing them requires money I don't have which brings me to the next one
-- a job - I need one so that I can afford the things I need (food, things related to transportation) or have to pay for (tuition, loan repayments, rent) or help my parents with (rent, car insurance, and possibly even my own health/dental insurance eventually)...right now tho this also needs to be balanced with the next one
-- school - I need to get past one class specifically to move on, but it's also made me question whether teaching is really what I want to do...the only problem with that is if I do change, that means being in school even longer than I've already been and that means more tuition and/or loans. A thought that's crossed my mind is to drop out for now, get a full-time job and finishing school when I've got a better idea what I really want to do and can save up to where I wouldn't need more loans. Subbing is one idea that sticks out at the moment if I were to go that route...

For now, I guess that's it. Til next time, vaya con Dios, and don't be a stranger =)

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Now playing: Rascal Flatts - Take Me There
via FoxyTunes

Time to man up?

Today I brought up my application for a missions team next summer to my sis, and she reminded me about getting approval from Mom and Dad. Well, actually it's been in the back of my mind, and she just forced it to the front =|.

At this point, I can't be sure they'll say yes or think it's the best thing for me right now. I'm already behind in my degree plan and I know that I need to focus on getting to where I should already be by now, and they don't want me to be sidetracked with anything else. I know this and I understand it...

But this is also making me face whether doing the overseas thing is what God wants or just something I want. I'm I trying to rationalize it to myself by thinking it's what God wants me to be doing right now as opposed to in the future, when things are more settled and figured out. I told a friend recently that sometimes we have a feeling that we think is God's answer to our prayer(s), when it's might just be something we want and our heart lies to us and says it's what God wants...and we get disappointed when God gives the real answer which isn't what our heart told us. I'm wondering if I need to consider that myself.

Either way, sometime this next week I need to have the talk with my Mom and/or Dad about this and see how they feel and say what I think about this. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for the answer...

One of the other thing I've been wrestling with is my commitment to a group I'm a part of (for the sake of keeping drama at bay I won't name it here). The group and what it stands for and does overall is great in my book. What's getting to me and making me question my commitment is some of the stuff that goes on, which has started to get to me especially recently. I tolerated it and kept silent for a while. But it's not encouraging and not an environment I want to be in, nor do I think it's beneficial for me to stay. I've wanted to say something about it, especially since there's been hurtful talk against friends of mine (inside and outside of the group), but I'm pretty much a chicken when it comes to speaking my mind so it hasn't happened =/ I've decided that either I'll speak up about it or just quit the group by the end of this semester. I hope to at least keep good relations with some of the group tho and I know I've at least made some good friends thru being in this group so I'm thankful for that. It's just gotten to a point where I don't think I can stay, and a few friends of mine saw that a while ago. I thought maybe things might change or that I could be a sort of "light in the darkness" but it seems things might not improve for a while so....in the words of Fall Out Boy: "Thanks for the memories, even tho they weren't so great" =/

there's a few other things I need to face up to, examine, or work things out with, but those are a bit more private so there may be a private blog to come...

If ya think about me from time to time, say a prayer or two. It would help and I'd appreciate it. Thanks!