An update mixed with a bit of nerdfighterlike

I've gotten pretty bad at regular updates. but I won't promise to update more b/c promises are to be used for more important stuff, like being there for family/friends, or that person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. On that later subject...actually I'll save that for the end b/c there isn't much definite on that front. So I'll start with things a bit more definite.

After more than a year's searching and applying and hearing nothing back I definitely have at least one job again. It's one I had for 3 years, and ended 3 years ago only b/c I was not a full-time student that last semester and I'd worn out the waiver. Then I found out recently that I could re-apply as a non-student (if only I'd known that then, haha). So, I did, and on Wednesday I came in to basically update necessary paperwork. In about a week or so I should be officially confirmed to begin working again as Event Staff at the Pan Am Center! An added bonus is that I'll be earning about $1 and a half more per hour than when I last worked there. Granted, the increase in the minimum wage is partly to do with that, but it was still nice to see. It's the most per hour I've ever had, so I'm happy.

Notice at the beginning of that last paragraph I said "at least one job." That is because I'm also in the process of getting all the requirements met for another job which would be subbing with Las Cruces Public Schools. I still need to do some observations and other little things so I should have some word on that in the next few weeks. I'm more anxious to start that job than the Pan Am job only because it will be the first job related to what I hope to do once I graduate from this school. Which brings me to my next subject...

Am I ever going to graduate? That's the basic question I've been getting from myself and others. I've already been here longer than I should. I want to place the blame on a class or something else, but I've been talking about "the blame game" with a friend and reminding myself that the only thing/person I can blame is myself. I frustrate myself (and my family), but this situation is also starting to make me wonder 1) if this is really my calling? and 2) if it's not, what should I be doing/pursuing? I mean, I'm 25, almost 26 and I'm still single and in school when I thought that by now I'd at least have graduated and started my career, and at least be working towards fixing the single part. I don't even have a "permanent address" b/c I've had to move back in with my parents. But again, I have only myself to blame.

Which I guess vaguely brings me back to the teaser at the beginning and the 2nd half of the title. I saved that for last b/c it's basically just a crush that's grown from a recent friendship. I know, I know! How many times have I talked or hinted at something similar over the course of these posts, only to have nothing come of it? Too many, and it's been like this with me going all the way back to jr. high. I just want to finally strike up that friendship that leads to finding my best friend. I always fall fast, no matter how much I tell myself I want it to just happen slowly, developing from getting to know them better as just a friend. But I'm starting to believe that it is okay to be attracted to each other and still explore the friendship w/o committing to any "relationship status" (that might fall under "it's complicated" on facebook, haha). What do you think? How have you or would you go about something like this? What's worked and/or not worked for you? (I been thinking I need to start making these posts more interactive, so there's your interactivity :-p) .

Oh and if you're wondering what in the world "nerdfighterlike" is, do a quick googling of the word or "nerdfighter" or look up the vlogbrothers on YouTube, or even nerdfighters.com. That should give you a general sense of what I'm talking about. And that's all I'll say about that for now. So, anyways, hope 2009 is going well for you. It's a time of uncertaintly, but it helps to know where your hope lies, which is what is worth focusing on. Despite what I've talked about here, my hope lies beyond a future career or any relationship and I am thankful for that, b/c I can trust it will last longer than either of those other things.

=) Best wishes!

New semester and I'm not a part of it

Today was the first day back to school @ NMSU...but not for me. Amanda tho, is still going back because she can still get loans to offset tuition or possibly even completely cover it. I, on the other hand, have reached the loan limit. Ya, after so long they figure most people would be done and out in the real world. Well, I've got news for you: I'm not most people :-p

"Well, then get a job to help pay your tuition" you say. That is what I've been trying for all summer but with no luck, and it's really frustrating. Frustrating that I don't know why I'm not getting ANY call backs. Frustrating that this is the 2nd fall semester I've had to miss out on b/c of $$ issues. Frustration at my self for not having been done with school by now and in the real world working a real job (and by "real" I mean not minimum wage). Frustrating because I won't get to see all my school/Cruces friends as often unless I can get hired up there and move in with some friends. And finally, frustrating b/c I'm 25, jobless, with no degree, and still living with my parents.

Oh, and did I mention that I might be slightly masochistic. I say this b/c I was given the option of staying home all day doin a bunch of nothing or going up to NMSU with my sis and mom for Amanda's first day back. Of course, I knew it would hurt to see people I knew or even just a whole bunch of strangers going through their first day back and knowing I'm left out of it. And unlike last fall, I'm not living up there so I can't still feel like part of the crowd. If I wanna handle it the same way, I'd have to drive up everyday, which isn't easy to someone economically challenged. But at least I got my car working again (stupid new battery died on me for a bit) so I don't have to ask to borrow the parent-mobile when I do get those moments.

At least I'm not alone on the being jobless in this house. So far we're all still unemployed, but at least Mom and Dad have been getting calls and such. Just keep us all in your prayers/thoughts b/c it's starting to get frustrating and trying for us all. It's gonna be a rough fall, but I know God will provide in many ways. Just wish I knew how and when, lol! But the not-knowing part is what makes faith so powerful. Amen? ("Amen!")