Today I brought up my application for a missions team next summer to my sis, and she reminded me about getting approval from Mom and Dad. Well, actually it's been in the back of my mind, and she just forced it to the front =|.
At this point, I can't be sure they'll say yes or think it's the best thing for me right now. I'm already behind in my degree plan and I know that I need to focus on getting to where I should already be by now, and they don't want me to be sidetracked with anything else. I know this and I understand it...
But this is also making me face whether doing the overseas thing is what God wants or just something I want. I'm I trying to rationalize it to myself by thinking it's what God wants me to be doing right now as opposed to in the future, when things are more settled and figured out. I told a friend recently that sometimes we have a feeling that we think is God's answer to our prayer(s), when it's might just be something we want and our heart lies to us and says it's what God wants...and we get disappointed when God gives the real answer which isn't what our heart told us. I'm wondering if I need to consider that myself.
Either way, sometime this next week I need to have the talk with my Mom and/or Dad about this and see how they feel and say what I think about this. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for the answer...
One of the other thing I've been wrestling with is my commitment to a group I'm a part of (for the sake of keeping drama at bay I won't name it here). The group and what it stands for and does overall is great in my book. What's getting to me and making me question my commitment is some of the stuff that goes on, which has started to get to me especially recently. I tolerated it and kept silent for a while. But it's not encouraging and not an environment I want to be in, nor do I think it's beneficial for me to stay. I've wanted to say something about it, especially since there's been hurtful talk against friends of mine (inside and outside of the group), but I'm pretty much a chicken when it comes to speaking my mind so it hasn't happened =/ I've decided that either I'll speak up about it or just quit the group by the end of this semester. I hope to at least keep good relations with some of the group tho and I know I've at least made some good friends thru being in this group so I'm thankful for that. It's just gotten to a point where I don't think I can stay, and a few friends of mine saw that a while ago. I thought maybe things might change or that I could be a sort of "light in the darkness" but it seems things might not improve for a while so....in the words of Fall Out Boy: "Thanks for the memories, even tho they weren't so great" =/
there's a few other things I need to face up to, examine, or work things out with, but those are a bit more private so there may be a private blog to come...
If ya think about me from time to time, say a prayer or two. It would help and I'd appreciate it. Thanks!
