I guess if I were to make a New Years resolution it could be to blog more. I say that because there are a lot of thoughts going thru my head that I want to think thru more or feel should be put down "on paper". I can usually organize my thoughts better when writing/typing them. Plus it's harder to mumble when typing so this way people understand me better than when I speak.
So, anyways...Just got back from a month in South Carolina staying with Mom and Dad for the holidays (aka Holidays with the Halladays). It's bittersweet being back. I miss having them close and getting "spoiled" with home cooked meals and free laundry and talking with them more than once a week or every few weeks. I even kinda miss the cat, but not so much this year b/c she seemed to be barfing once a day or every other day and we don't know why. SC is starting to feel more and more like a 2nd home (and Mesa, AZ being a 3rd home of sorts). One thing I wish we had started earlier before me and Amanda left was organizing the picture collection. There are some "ancient" pictures there and a lot of good memories. Plus I think I saw the parents' wedding pictures (the complete set at least) for the first time, or at least the first time actually looking at them. If you check out my latest pics on here you'll see some of the photos we ran across and wanted to upload. If we had been there longer I would have liked to upload some of the wedding pics. Oh well, coulda shoulda woulda.
Another thing that's really been on my mind is a girl, and just the idea of love/dating/courtship. I wish I were brave enough to say who it is, but since I haven't expressed my feelings right out to her yet I don't think I should let the whole world know...ya know, just in case it doesn't work out. A few people know who and some of how I feel, but I think it was just me needing to talk to more than just myself about her. The thing is, I think there may be some mutual attraction but sometimes I mistake a girl that I like being friendly for something more, so I'm trying not to jump to conclusions (*random tangent: that phrase always makes me think of "Office Space", haha*). I also don't want to jump into a relationship before I really have gotten to know her as a friend which is where I think I've gone wrong in past relationships. A book I just recently re-read that has made me really think about how to approach this is "Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship" by Joshua Harris (a sequel of sorts to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"). I want to come at this from a Godly perspective, and respecting her. Some of the things he mentions that I want to put into practice are getting permission from her Dad/parents, but seeing as I don't know them or have any way of contacting them my best bet is to wait til we are closer as friends and possibly thinking of moving to the next step (if it even comes). Joshua suggests tho, that if her parents aren't close by to pay them a visit, you might also broch (sp?) the subject with her pastor or someone with that kind of relationship to her. Another thing is getting others involved spiritually, and being accountable to others about your feelings and the relationship in general. This helps by getting somewhat objective views on if it's a good idea or if the relationship honors God as well as each other. These are thoughts that sometimes seem antique or just get left out of a lot of relationships these days, and thus, in my opinion part of the reason people become seriel daters and what leads to such a high divorce rate. We fall in love (or lust) and then when the feeling goes away we think we don't love them anymore and decide to move on or end up cheating on them just to get the high of newly in "love" again. I've got enough thoughts on this to fill a whole 'nother blog, so I'll get back to what got me started on this. Basically I'm just putting this out there so that this isn't bottled up as much as it has been, and I guess also for any input about how to go about this. I'm torn between being brave and asking her on some kind of a date (whether its a group thing, romantic, or an environment that's not necessarily "romantic" but helps us get to know each other better before really committing to anything) or just waiting it out a bit longer and looking for doors that God opens along the way (or doesn't open). Both carry some risks: the first choice risks outright rejection or rushing in before we really know each other and find we don't have as much in common as we/I thought; and the other way risks that I wait too long and someone else could jump in and I'll regret not having done something. That second risk has happened quite a bit, the most recent of which resulted in them marrying that other person. In the end tho, on that front I appreciate that I still know them as friends and didn't ruin that friendship with romance and I see over time that the person the end up with is better for them than I could have been. Sure I was heart-broken for a bit but after that passes I can be happy for them and happy for me because that just means that God has something much better in mind for me. And I've found waiting on God's perfect timing never disappoints!
Since this is already entirely too long, I kinda wanna end with asking for prayer about the above topic as well as:
--my car - been having some problems but fixing them requires money I don't have which brings me to the next one
-- a job - I need one so that I can afford the things I need (food, things related to transportation) or have to pay for (tuition, loan repayments, rent) or help my parents with (rent, car insurance, and possibly even my own health/dental insurance eventually)...right now tho this also needs to be balanced with the next one
-- school - I need to get past one class specifically to move on, but it's also made me question whether teaching is really what I want to do...the only problem with that is if I do change, that means being in school even longer than I've already been and that means more tuition and/or loans. A thought that's crossed my mind is to drop out for now, get a full-time job and finishing school when I've got a better idea what I really want to do and can save up to where I wouldn't need more loans. Subbing is one idea that sticks out at the moment if I were to go that route...
For now, I guess that's it. Til next time, vaya con Dios, and don't be a stranger =)
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Now playing: Rascal Flatts - Take Me There
via FoxyTunes
